Kellee O’Reilly supported her uncle in accessing medical aid in dying in California, and now she continues to fight in his honor, to pass Death with Dignity legislation in Minnesota where this end-of-life option is not yet legal.
“Ten months, if we throw everything at it. If we do nothing, maybe three?”
My uncle, William Roy Harp III—Uncle Billy to me, Bill or Will to his friends—heard these words just 14 weeks after celebrating his 80th birthday. The doctor was kind, but matter-of-fact. The diagnosis was advanced, inoperable glioblastoma.
He was a man of science, educated in chemistry, a voracious reader, and the longtime head of an in-vitro fertilization lab at UC Davis. At 70, when I became “his person” for end-of-life decisions, he had told me with a laugh, “When the time comes, do anything to keep me alive.”
But, a decade changes perspectives. He had lost his wife, his closest friend, and much of the world he once roamed freely. His garden had become his sanctuary. The pandemic had made life smaller. When faced with the reality of a brain tumor that would quickly rob him of his mind, vision, and independence, his priorities shifted.
Exploring Medical Aid in Dying
At first, he hesitated to consider the California End of Life Option Act. But as a fiercely independent man who valued his intellect, wit, and dignity, the thought of losing “the essence of himself” was unbearable. Brain tumors are thieves. They take pieces of a person one at a time. Uncle Billy wanted control over his final chapter. And, I am so grateful he got that.
Through his oncologist’s referral, he began the multi-step process for medical aid in dying, a process that is always patient-driven, has a plethora of safeguards, and puts all the power in the dying patient’s hands, as it should. At every step, it was made clear: there was no obligation to take the medication. The choice was always his.
He canceled his scheduled radiation treatments, opting instead for palliative care. For a few precious weeks, he sat in the sun, recited poetry, and enjoyed good food. But the tumor advanced quickly—stealing his vision, his ability to read, and finally his mobility.
Bill’s Choice: Why End-of-Life Options Matter
It all happened so quickly. Less than six weeks from the initial scan showing his grim prognosis, the aid-in-dying medications arrived by courier. We knew time was short. He needed to act before he lost the ability to self-administer it, a requirement under the law. On the morning of July 31, 2024, I told him the meds had arrived. Without hesitation, he said, “I’m ready. It’s time.”
That evening, with Judy Collins’ Both Sides Now playing and the sun setting over his beloved garden, Uncle Billy held the mug that would free him from suffering. He drank it in two swallows, followed by a sip of his favorite martini with a twist. Within seconds, he fell peacefully asleep, surrounded by family and friends. His passing was quick, calm, and exactly as he wanted—full of control, love, and dignity.
Why I Continue to Advocate for Death with Dignity
I believe Uncle Billy’s decision spared him from many weeks of painful decline, 24-hour nursing care, and emotional anguish. He had the chance to leave this life on his own terms, with peace and grace. And after witnessing that, I want the same option for myself when my day comes, but, as a resident of Minnesota, we don’t have this legal and compassionate end-of-life freedom. And for that, I fight in his honor, and for all of us that also deserve this choice.
Every Dollar Counts. Join me in Donating Today.
Uncle Billy was an exceptionally generous human, a donor to many causes that he believed in, from political to social needs, to scientific advancement. And, his final personal donation was to Death with Dignity, to support an organization that shares his common belief: that everyone should have access to this vital end-of-life option to promote peace and control during our final chapter.
Your support helps to ensure this dream, to create a reality where all dying qualified patients can access Death with Dignity if they so choose. Donate today to protect end-of-life choices and give others the same beautiful ending my uncle had.
