Kimberly Shoemaker lives in Illinois, where medical aid in dying is not yet legal. After experiencing the painful deaths of both of her parents without the option to choose physician aid in dying, Kimberly is committed to fighting for Death with Dignity in her state and across the U.S.
Honoring My Parents by Fighting for Death with Dignity
I am here today fiercely advocating for medical aid in dying in honor of my parents—two people I loved deeply, who both endured painful, prolonged deaths from cancer.
In May 2014, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. She was only 57. Even though I was an adult, my parents tried to shield me from the worst parts of her illness and treatment. But I could still see her suffering—the shortness of breath, the exhaustion, the pain that never truly left. The treatments brought their own misery, and I knew she was enduring far more than she let on.
We were fortunate in one way: she died after just a couple of days in the hospital. She could still talk with us until her final day. We were able to say the things we needed to say, to tell her how much we loved her, to hold her hand as she slipped away. Those who loved her most were there for her last moments, but she deserved more options at the end. And because we live in Illinois, she was robbed of that autonomy.
When my dad began experiencing pain after eating and a loss of appetite in late 2022, it felt eerily familiar. In early 2023, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Having watched what chemo had done to my mom, his brother, and other friends, I never expected him to choose treatment. But he did. Maybe out of hope, or maybe not wanting to give up without trying.
The chemo was brutal. It left him weak, nauseated, and still in terrible abdominal pain from the tumor. In June, he traveled five hours to Chicago for surgery, hoping it might shrink the tumor. It didn’t work. After one more round of chemo, he decided to stop treatment and enter hospice in October. He died a month later in November 2023. He was only 67.
The Unbearable Reality of a Prolonged Death
Watching my dad fade was a helplessness I can’t fully describe. The man who had taken care of me my whole life was shrinking before my eyes, and there was nothing I could do to help.
Weeks before he died, his hospice nurse, Amy, quietly told us he probably had about a week left. My sister told him he didn’t have to stay for us, that he could go be with Mom. He looked at her and said, “I can’t wait.”
Why I Advocate for Medical Aid in Dying
It’s been nearly two years since he’s been gone, and I still haven’t truly mourned him. My feelings about his death are wrapped up in relief that he’s no longer suffering. I will always believe that if Death with Dignity had been available, his final months could have been different. He could have chosen to leave on his own terms—without the pain, the indignity, and the long, drawn-out decline.
I can’t say for certain that either of my parents would have chosen medical aid in dying, but I know they should have had that option. Watching both of them die without this end-of-life choice available has made me determined: I don’t want to die this way.
When my time comes, I want the ability to decide how my final chapter is written. I want the choice to die on my terms, in my home, with those I love supporting me.
With my family’s health history, I know it is critical to think about this now, and that is why I advocate for Death with Dignity—not only for them, but for myself.
At his funeral, the program included a quote from Stuart Scott:
“When you die, that does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live. When you get too tired to fight, then lay down, and rest, and let somebody else fight for you.”
Back then, I hated the idea that anyone might think my dad “lost” to cancer or wasn’t strong enough. Now, I see it differently. I am that “somebody else” fighting for him, and for everyone else who will want this option when their terminal illness becomes unbearable.
Assisted-dying is not about giving up. It’s about giving people the same autonomy in death that they had in life.
Join Me in the Fight for End-of-Life Options
I believe that all terminally ill patients who are suffering at the end of their life should have the choice for a peaceful death. That’s why I’m partnering with Death with Dignity—to change the laws, so people like my mom and dad can have the choice they deserve.
Please join me in this fight. Your donation today will help expand access to medical aid in dying and give more people the ability to choose a peaceful, dignified death.
